Dear Gma
Has Christmas always been my favorite time of year? As far back as i can remember, the answer would be yes. Since moving to Montana i have to say, i LOVE the summers, but I wouldn't want to miss out on Christmas and it would not be the same in the heat of July. I remember one day in July a long time ago i was playing Christmas music on the stereo. Evie Tournquist was belting out, "Come On Ring Those Bells", and i was singing along while cleaning the house, and here comes the Pastor to visit. He said, " Christmas in July?" and i said, " Every day is Christmas with Jesus." No argument there :) Christmas wears some people out, but not me. I wonder why i am like this.
My mom and Christmas: i don't remember any carols playing. I don't remember decorations as a kid. I do remember cut-out cookies though :) I think it actually was a stressful time of year for my folks because buying anything out of the ordinary caused hardship. No lawn decorations. No lights on the house; we did have a tree, but we did not go get it as a family as we always did with our kids. . When our Suzie was about three, mom and i, created a Christmas master plan: Christmas Eve at their house; Christmas day at ours. She told me she had never liked us going to your house on Christmas because it took us away from our toys. I am thinking it took away from family because i remember almost no toys. We kids clamored to get to your house though because the presents were piled way up past the first layer of branches. Christmas was all about the presents. I never remember going to church with family, except always, when i stayed with you and Gpa.
You spoiled us Gma, and i bet my mom did not like that much. However, when she got Gkids she spoiled them rotten most of the time. Christmas at your house meant lots of cousins and all the aunts and uncles and lots of food, noise, and joy. I am sure we went to the maternal grandparent's house, but i don't remember that with the warmth i do yours, Gma. I wonder why you had this affect on me, but not my other Gma. I remember her as stern and bossy and always telling me i could not do this or that. I don't remember you ever telling me no, and that cannot be true. My kids remember Christmas Eve at their grandmother's just like i remember Christmas Day at yours, so she followed your plan, though she constantly reminded us, "...I am no Gma Frieda...". I think i learned to make Christmas fun from both of you.
My mom turned into Super Gma, in some ways, after i started having kids. Suddenly Christmas Eve you would find her playing games with her Gkids laughing and teasing them: very out of character. She baked her cut-out cookies and had this one kind of candy that had a candy crunch center, like in a heath bar, and the outside was chocolate and nuts. She called it Butter Crunch. I think i improved the Cut-Out cookie tradition because i wait for the G-kids to come and we do it together, even sometimes in July! We never had these special holiday goodies though before the G-kids came along that i remember. I must say i had wonderful role models for playing my own role of Grandmother. Some things are just a must for me at Christmas and i wonder where i got these crazy notions.
For instance, Christmas music! I bet you listened to Christmas music because you always had your radio on in the kitchen while you cooked. Me too except i used to have a lot of music on records, but now have it on my computer I-tunes, or I turn the TV to Holiday Music, but i must hear the music or it is just not Christmas for me.
And, for me to have a good Christmas i must go to church on Christmas Eve. I remember Suzie's last Christmas. She had been in the hospital for weeks, but they let her come home for Christmas. Crowds were forbidden (germs), but we worked it out with the Pastor so that all six of us sat right behind the choir, in the fourth row, and we went out the side door right after the service. Suzie looked up at me and said, " Mama it is like singing with angels". I will never forget that Christmas Eve.
Up until about fifteen years ago, we always went on our yearly pilgrimage Christmas tree hunt up in the mountains of Washington/ Oregon to find just the right tree. Then at home, Jim and i always fought over how the lights should go on the tree. Why? No idea, but we always did. After the kids left home there was no point for me, and eventually reality brought a pre-lighted tree into our home (horrors!), but we are none the worse for it, and i think all families should have a day when they sing their way to get the tree and the decorating of it should be an occasion, but maybe that is just me. Once in a while a Christmas would happen where we would find ourselves hunting in a city tree lot, but we still all went. I do so love Christmas trees. I cannot imagine not having one, but probably someday reality will bite again. It all took effort and i am sure i pushed it because i don't see my kids carrying this on.
The one thing they do still seem to want is butterhorns on Christmas morning. This Thanksgiving i taught some of the granddaughters how to make them, but i missed a bet in not teaching my sons. Maybe i can still do that. Think i will send them the recipe. They all love to cook. But bake? Not so much. Maybe they will start after i am gone though. I could go on and on: Christmas cards, angel food cake with candles for Jesus, going caroling, the advent wreath, advent calendars, singing cantatas with the choir, buying and getting special presents, Christmas bazaars and pageants written and produced at home, and ones in church, and the little kid programs for school and church. I only stop celebrating when the time runs out and then i am smiling like a drunk...ah, that reminds me of the Christmas hot buttered rum :)
So, i think i proved i love Christmas with all the trimmings? But why? Has it just been passed down? Or, just an excuse to party? Does it just break up the winter? Jim and i have been watching these sappy Hallmark Christmas movies lately. Why did i stay up till 2 AM the other night watching, " It's a Wonderful Life" and "Miracle on 34th street"? Maybe i really do cherish Family Values and the whole world seems to be with me on that at Christmas time. I know i hate it when the day arrives, then swoosh, it's over! It is the journey to get to the day that i live for, not the day. I think i need psycho analysis to figure out me :)
Merry Christmas Gma and thanks for all the Christmases of my past. I hope you enjoy watching from afar all the joy and fa la la that six Gkids create because it's Christmas at our house. And if anybody asked these Gkids of mine why do we celebrate they know that without the arrival of the Christ child, there would be no such miraculous day. Praise be to God for His infinite wisdom and love for us.And maybe because i so believe that God really does care of each of us, maybe that is what lies behind my obsessive behavior at Christmas.
You know I love you and miss you so much
your
jackie ann aka *j*
